They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I party with great urgency now.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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