great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
