Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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