it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
