sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize
