I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
