take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
