wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
