i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
