You smell like stripper and shame
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
