Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
