I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
