her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize