NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
