there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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