Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
