I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Text me some of your sweat
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
