9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
