In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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