There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
