And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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