Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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