that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
