He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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