Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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