you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
