Please, let me fuck your mom
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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