he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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