i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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