I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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