these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
