went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
