i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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