I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
You are a genius and a whore.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
