then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize