i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize