As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
