Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Randomize
