He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
How does one acquire holy water?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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