sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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