Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
