I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
