This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
