Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
