I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
