As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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