i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
