moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize