i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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