I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
