I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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