my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
