She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
