You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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