dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
