she's into porn, im staying here tonight
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
