ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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