why didn't you poke me back
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
