he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
