They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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