Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
