gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
