paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
