Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
