Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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